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How to avoid a ticket:
There was a middle aged guy who bought a brand new Porsche
convertible. He took off down the road at 80 mph and enjoying the wind
blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. “This is
great,” he thought. “Just what I need.”
Dumb blondes & Porsches
They just seem to go together, don’t they?
This blonde looking for work sees a sign on a house: “PAINTER
WANTED.” So she goes to the house and knocks on the door, telling the
owner, “I’m here for the paint job.”
Q. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
Q. Why do blondes drive VW’s?
Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A blonde driving a Porsche sees another blonde with a Porsche
that has broken down on the side of the road. She stops to ask what’s
And, just so the blondes don’t get too mad at us, here’s a smart blonde joke:
A blonde walks into a New York City Bank and asks for the
loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks
and needs to borrow $5,000.
Porsches & genies:
This guy is walking along the beach in Malibu when he comes
across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He works for an hour or so to
remove the salt. Lo and behold it’s a very old oil lamp. The guy starts
to buff it to remove the verdigris when poof! a genie appears.
This genie, like all genies, is so happy to be freed of the lamp that he
grants the guy three wishes.
One day a bum is searching through a dumpster for food and
other stuff rich people carelessly throw away. As he’s picking through
the everyday trash he finds a lamp. He dusts it off and poof! A
A man’s reading the paper when an ad catches his eye: $500
Porsche! New! He figures a $500 Porsche must be a joke, but might be
worth a shot. So he goes to the address and sure enough, the lady living
there has an almost brand new Porsche. “Wow!” the man says. “Can I take
it for a test drive?”
Porsche vs. Rolls-Royce:
A man stops at a traffic light in his brand new
Rolls-Royce. A bright red Porsche pulls up beside him. The Porsche
driver rolls down his window and excitedly entices the Rolls driver to
do the same.
Porsche vs. Mercedes:
An older woman is cruising a crowded parking lot her new
Mercedes-Benz looking in vain for a parking space. She finally sees
someone loaded with packages heading for a car, so she follows him, puts
on her blinker and waits patiently until he pulls out.
Porsche vs. moped:
A very self-important young man goes out and buys what he
believes is the best car available: a Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of
the fastest and most expensive cars in the world.
The important things:
A yuppie parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office
to show it off to his colleagues. As he’s getting out of the car, a huge
18-wheel truck comes flying along too close to the curb, tears the door
off the Porsche, and keeps on going.
Coming To a Complete Stop
A police officer pulls over a red Porsche after it runs a
stop sign. He walks up to the car door and says, “Sir, May I see your
driver’s license and registration please?”
More adventures with the law:
A Yugo breaks down on the roadside and a BMW 750 stops to
help the old driver.
The Top Reasons You Might Be mrPORSHA!
1. You think a spider is a car and not an 8 legged creature.
2. Your friends ask you "what do you see in her" and your response is "Are you kidding look how sexy she is and that feeling I get when I'm inside her. She's tight!" OH! You meant the new girlfriend huh. "She's good"
3. You can't decide which Porsche to give your 16 year old so you give them the Ferrari and explain you're sorry but I don't think you're ready for it yet.
4. You think the only thing good about Ferrari is the German driver Michael Schumacher.
5. You thought Voltswagen was a German electrical term, The term "Mercedes Rule" was an actress and BMW was an abbreviation for Better Mechanic Wanted.
6. You don't want a big penis because it increases the drag coefficient and weighs more.
7. You believe 9-11 is not a bad thing related to terror, but it may be hard to convince the Corvette owner behind you of that.
8. If you elbow Charlton Hesston for talking about how to clean your .357 and whisper it's 356 but nobody seemed to notice.
9. You know that Nuremberg is not a creamy wine sauce.
10. You think 455hp in the family SUV probably isn't enough.
11. The pattern on your front lawn says PORSCHE and you have a Porsche crest on your driveway.
12. If you think $410K is a reasonable price for a car (NEW Carrera GT).
13. If you live on capital hill (Seattle) or San Francisco and you Don't know any Porsche ferry's but you do know Ferry Porsche.
14. You think the last 4 words of the national anthem are gentlemen start your engines.
15. A trip to Treffen sounds like fun!
16. You tell your friends in the car pool to accelerate at the apex through the corner and when experiencing difficulty to look forward 2 toll booths and back 2 tollbooths and the correct path will appear. They have NO idea what you are talking about.
17. Your kids think a 928s4 is a big family car.
18. The Jones's don't have a prayer of keeping up with you!
19. Your sister's birthday is 9-30 and you buy yourself a turbo 911 and her a 99-cent card with a picture of you in it, on the cover.
20. If your boxer S faster than Don Kings Boxer.
21. If you think a Red CAYENNE S not a pepper.
22. If 944 is followed by 951 not 945.
get out of speeding tickets by telling the officer, It takes a lot of wind
to cool 13 quarts of oil but luckily it worked
and it won't happen again.
24. You know you're home from a trip when you see your Porsche in the airport security parking lot.
25. Your last name is Nakamichi so you make up a story explaining you're from the Bavarian Nakamichis.. and people believe you!
26. You explain to the officer how 218 mph is a perfectly reasonable speed and you only slowed down from 220 mph because you realized you had crossed the Atlantic and were not on the Autobahn anymore.
27. Your house is Guards red. The front door is speed yellow and the trim is Zermat silver. Or any combination of the above. You think it looks great!
28. The family goes to Disney world and you go to Stuttgart.
29. You know the difference between Cinnabon and autobahn. The Autobahn is for fast driving and ...OH who cares what Cinnabon is.
30. You take out the radio, carpets, any unnecessary trim back and passenger seats etc. etc. because it's lighter/faster besides the only people who will ride with you have their own Porsche so you really don't need any of it.
31. You actually enjoy your drive to/from work.
32. You like your wife but you love your car.
33. SPEED Channel is the only TV you watch.
34. When your 2 year old is learning to count and says 3 5 6 You clap and say what a genius.
35. You have actually learned to tell the difference in sound between all sport/race cars and you compare Porsche to Mozart.
36. You know the difference between a Porsh and a Porsha - You own a Porsha.
wouldn't be caught dead in a Ferrari.
Spammer's Porsche up for grabs
Internet giant AOL has ratcheted up the war against unsolicited e-mail with a publicity-grabbing coup - an online raffle of a spammer's seized Porsche.
AOL won the car - a $47,000 Boxster S - as part of a court settlement against an unnamed e-mailer last year.
"We'll take cars, houses, boats - whatever we can find and get a hold of," said AOL's Randall Boe.
According to Mr Boe, the Porsche's previous owner made more than $1m by sending junk e-mail.
Hitting them where it hurts
AOL is one of the noisiest opponents of the evasive spam trade, and this month joined forces with Microsoft, Yahoo and Earthlink to sue hundreds of spammers.
Seizure of property is becoming a major tactic in these lawsuits, since guilty spammers often protest their inability to pay large fines.
The Porsche-owning spammer, whose identity remains confidential, was one of a group sued last year for having sent 1 billion junk messages to AOL members, pitching pornography, college degrees, cable TV descramblers and other products.
Mr Boe said the Porsche was seized mainly for its symbolic value, as the obvious fruit of an illegal trade.
The Porsche sweepstake lasts until 8 April, and will be open only to those who were AOL members when it was first announced.
Guess the Sheep
A shepherd was looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a young man dressed in an Armani suit, Ray Bans, Rolex watch, White Cerutti shoes, tailor-made mauve shirt, with a Boss tie.
He gets out and asks the shepherd 'If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I keep one?'
The shepherd looks at the large flock of sheep and says 'Okay'.
The young man connects his laptop to his mobile phone/fax, enters the NASA website, scans the field using his GPS, opens the database linked to 60 Excel tables, filled with logarithms and pivot tables, and then prints out a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He studies the reports and says to the shepherd 'You have 1586 sheep'.
The shepherd replies, 'That's correct. You can have the pick of my flock.'
The young man packs away his equipment, looks at the flock and puts one into the boot of the Porsche.
As he is about to leave, the Shepherd says, 'If I can guess what your profession is will you return the animal to me?'
The young man thinks for a minute and says 'Okay'.
The shepherd says 'You are a Management Consultant'.
The young man says 'Correct, how did you know?'
The Shepherd replied, 'Simple. First you came here without being invited. Second you charge me a fee for something I already knew.
Third, you don't understand anything about my business. - Now, can I have my dog back?'